The rain pattered against the window like a harmonious beat. Patter, patter, patter it went. The empty house creaked and the rain pattered faster. I tapped my pencil against the window seal in the same beat. The rain blurred the images outside, and yet I still looked. I looked for that roughed up truck. That muddy truck that I could hear from a mile away. I awaited to hear that sound. Oh the relief it would bring me to hear the revving of that engine. The apprehension was horrible; not knowing what to do. The clock ticked in the background with the rain. It told me the seconds that went by. Then the hours. Finally I got up from that seal. Your truck never came. I never heard your roughed up truck that night, because it never came.

Eight months later...

The classroom was etched in tension as I walked back to collect my bag. My test was in and I was gone. I grabbed my things and headed out the door. Summer air blew around me and the heat surrounded me graciously. I slung my bag over my shoulder and was ready for the long walk across campus to my car. As I walked the blossoms of the trees blew away and into the street. Dancing in the wind. People walked and smiled. I pushed through the crowded campus and when I looked up he was there. I stopped in my tracks and he locked eyes with me. My body tensed and I looked down at the ground. I could feel my throat dry in anticipation but my mind wanted out. I didn't want to see his face. His charming green eyes or genuine smile. I didn't even want to hear his voice. I bit my lip and kept walking. I looked up at him, raised an eyebrow and continued walking. His mouth opened as if to say something and then he stopped when I walked passed. I kept walking, I moved my arms to my chest and I continued to go. Finally I heard him yell to me, "Ellie. I'm sorry."

I turned around and looked at him, "Sorry?" I asked.
"Yes." He said. His eyes look at me as if he's looking to my soul.
"It's been eight months, Lee. What do you want?" I say, trying to hold the stirred up emotion inside. Like a raging lion caged up.
He walks towards me, "Ell, I'm an idiot. I messed up."
I purse my lips, "You messed up eight months ago."
"I know." He says softly.
I walk up to him, "No you don't know. You don't know how long I waited. You don't know how long the minutes I waited felt. They felt like hours and the hours felt like days." I pause, "You couldn't possibly be sorry enough. You don't know. I needed you and you left."
He looks down, "I'm such an idiot. Ellie, how can I fix this?"
"Why didn't you fix this eight months ago? Why now?"
He shook his head, "I needed time."
"You needed time? You? Hah." I laughed.
He stepped forward, "Don't do this, Ell."
"I loved you. That's a lie. I love you. But I just can't. It's not enough anymore."
"It can be enough."
I blink back tears, "What you did...you left me. You left me by myself to figure things out. Hollow promises and hopes and all I wanted was a reason. Well, I guess your reason was time. And now I just can't do this."
"But I love you too. You're my everything. I know that now."
I shake my head, "If I was your everything then I would have been your everything eight months ago. I can't do this. I want to, I love you, but I can't." I say. My voice shaking in disbelief and yet reassuring myself that his is right. I turn around, almost jumping, and I walk away. I wanted to turn around and apologize for my outburst, run back to him and into his arms. Reclaiming the last 8 months and nothing but a mistake. But my legs kept walking, the tears kept flowing, and I never turned around. And Lee didn't stop me.